The IRS Never Calls First

John Noonan Uncategorized

And other ways to keep your money safe…


Last Monday, Bill’s cell phone rings, and he picks up…

Recording (with our commentary): “This call is officially a final notice from IRS (not “the” IRS?), Internal Revenue Service. The reason of this call is to inform you that IRS (again) is filling (not filing? maybe it was the accent) a lawsuit on your name because you have tried to do a fraud (someone skipped grammar class in 4th grade) with the IRS and we are taking a legal action, and we are issuing an arrest warrant on your name (a run-on sentence – Sister Mary would be livid). To get more information regarding this case, just call us back on…” (well, you get the point.)

So for fun, he called back…

World’s fastest IRS agent to ever answer a phone: “Hello, this is IRS agent 96454 (do they really have numbers? We would’ve chosen 007). Do you want to settle your case? “

Funny how he knew why Bill called, before he ever said a word! Then…

Bill: “Nice try.” *Click*.

Please know that if the IRS has any issues with you, they’ll send you a letter. In the odd cases where they call or even show up personally, you’ll receive several notices in the mail before they take that action. If they want money, they’ll instruct you to only make payments to the “United States Treasury”. And if all else fails, just keep an ear out for bad grammar!

This ridiculous attempt at theft had us brainstorming about ways people put themselves and their money at risk. Here are some money safety tips:

  • Limit your debit card use. Protections are much better with credit cards
  • Change your passwords often – ideally every 90 days
  • Use 2-Step Authentication (e.g. a password plus a numeric code that is texted or emailed to you)
  • Don’t click on email attachments unless you’re sure what it is (our recent Black Diamond email is safe!)
  • Use virus/malware protection on your computer, and keep it up to date
  • Check your credit score at least once per year – many credit card companies now offer this service for free
  • Never use public Wi-Fi that isn’t password protected

And of course, no one from a foreign country will ever need your help transferring $2,670,000,000 into the US. Ever. Just hit delete.

John & Bill